How Beautiful the Darkness
by Darkbrokenreaper
Summary: Lan Yuan will not remember this but he was born from darkness. AKA: How Lan Sizhui got his powers and how Wei Ying became Mother. Wangxian


Darkness. The screams of a thousand voices wailing around him, cacophonous and deafening to the point of utter madness.

Lan Yuan no… Wen Yuan will not remember this but he was born from darkness.

He will not remember that he was hidden in the hollow of a tree. He will not remember the fear lurking in Xian-gege's eyes as the man promises him that he will come back for him after everything has settled down. He will not remember the hunger and thirst and delirium as he waited for his Xian-gege to return for him.

Minutes pass. Hours. He can't remember how long he stays huddled in the pitch blackness. He can't tell whether it is day or night. He's bored. He's tired.

Xian-gege. Where is Xian-gege? He promised to fetch A-Yuan once A-Yuan counted to one thousand. He had counted at least ten one thousands and still no Xian-gege.

It could have been days.

It could have been months.

And then the voices start.

Soft and quiet at first. Sibilant and insidious.

They whisper mean, ugly things to him. That Xian-gege is dying. That his family is dying. They have killed so many of his family and he will be next. Their comrades will find him, will avenge them with his blood.

Wen Yuan is scared and he wants to run out of the tree but he remembers Xian-gege's promise and resolutely shuts his eyes and claps his tiny hands over his ears. He's crying and he's so afraid but he won't leave.

Xian-gege will come for him. He always will.

The voices get louder, more discordant.

They scream obscenities at him. Curse at him, vile words barbed with poison. Wen Yuan screams and screams and_ screams_ to block out their jeers and taunts. He screams until his throat is hoarse and his voice gives out. He's so tired and so dizzy. He wants to sleep but the voices keep him awake. They plague him at every turn and he can do nothing but sit there and listen to their awful murmurs.

The voices begin to physically hurt. It feels like claws are digging into his little skull and he can't take it anymore. He doesn't realize how heavily he's sobbing, how wretched he sounds. Wen Yuan fears that the voices will never cease their torment and he wants his Xian-gege, his Granny, his cousins, anyone. Please, anyone. _Save me._

"STOP."

Loud. Louder than any of the previous droning sounds. A voice rings out in the hollow of the tree but a good one this time.

The uncontrollable voices stop their assault and he is left in blissful quiet.

Wen Yuan opens his eyes, dizzy from constantly screaming and shutting the voices out. It's too dark to see. A cool hand settles on his sweating forehead. He feels hot and achy all over, shivering despite the heat coursing through his veins.

"W-Who-?"

"It's okay, A-Yuan. I'm here now. Everything is going to be okay."

Soothing hands, familiar hands that have cradled him close and comforted him, pull him into a lap. Relief washes over him like waves upon an unbroken shore. He closes his eyes, unconsciousness stealing over him at last.

He will not remember a man in white finally, finally finding him in the burnt out hollow of that tree.

* * *

The boy looks so small sleeping on the expansive bed in the medical ward. It has been a few months since he has seen the child but Lan Wangji is fairly sure that children aren't supposed to shrink as they grow older. It had broken Lan Wangji's heart when he could not find any trace of his beloved. It had broken his heart even further when he had found Wen Yuan in the hollow of a tree, delirious and running a high fever, the only Wen remnant left after the Siege.

Without a single moment of hesitation, he brought the child back to the Cloud Recesses and into the medical ward despite the clamoring of his uncle and his brother to seek treatment for himself for his whip wounds. He had ignored their pleas as he steadfastly kept vigil by Wen Yuan's bedside while physicians treated the boy's minor wounds and his rampant fever.

Besides the fever, he was malnourished but with some proper sustenance when he woke up, the boy would heal. Once Lan Wangji had ascertained that nothing else could be done for the child aside from rest, he dismissed the doctors and sat next to Wen Yuan.

It is quiet in the medical ward. The Siege had been an overwhelming "victory" on the various sects' end and the only causalities had been the Wen remnants once the Yiling Patriarch had fallen.

The Yiling Patriarch.

Wei Wuxian.

Wei Ying.

Wei Ying is gone.

All of a sudden, everything that has happened in these past few days rushes through Lan Wangji and he bends over Wen Yuan's prone form. He doesn't know what he's going to do with the child. Wincing as his back begins to twinge in pain, he contemplates what Wei Wuxian would do in this situation. The thought sends a pang to his chest and he bites his lip to stop the tears threatening to fall. Lan Wangji is completely out of his depth.

A small murmur disturbs his thoughts and Lan Wangji unconsciously holds in his breath as A-Yuan's eyes flutter open. The child is slow to wake, round eyes bleary as they take in their surroundings. Once the child notices him though, fear overtakes his youthful features.

"W-Who are you?" the little boy stammers, trying to back away but he becomes entangled in the heavy downy blankets and he can't escape. Lan Wangji feels sick to his stomach and uncomfortable in his own skin as he moves slowly, woodenly and helps A-Yuan untangle himself from the sheets.

The child wordlessly accepts the help but stares at him with feverish, wary eyes.

"Do you remember anything?" Lan Wangji asks, voice quiet and hesitant.

The child's brow furrows as he tries hard to remember but becomes distressed when he finds that he cannot. Lan Wangji's stomach sinks.

"W-Who am I?" the child asks, cheeks reddening in obvious misery. Tears gather in quicksilver eyes.

Lan Wangji holds him as Wen Yuan cries and to his surprise, the small boy holds him back. Little arms tighten around him aggravating his wounds but Lan Wangji cannot bring himself to care when the boy cries and cries until he cannot cry anymore.

"I-I don't know who I am," the boy stutters through his tears. "I-I don't know… I don't know…"

He sounds so lost and desolate.

"You are Lan Yuan, my son," Lan Wangji tells him before nearly slapping himself for his foolish words. What is he saying? What the hell is he doing? "And I am your Father."

The crystalline tears cease as the boy looks up at him in surprise like it never occurred to him that this random man sitting by his bedside could possibly be his parent.

"Father," Lan Yuan tests the word out. "You're my father?"

"Yes, that's right, little one," Lan Wangji affirms before he can doubt himself. Wei Ying would have wanted this, he tells himself. He would have wanted A-Yuan to grow up safe and sound, unfettered by his past as a Wen. It is for the best.

"I'm Lan Yuan," Lan Yuan says again. "And you're my father."

Lan Wangji nods.

The child thinks it over carefully. "If you're my father then where's Mama?"

The innocent question shatters Lan Wangji's heart to pieces. He had not allowed himself to fully mourn Wei Ying's passing, too caught up in frantically trying to find any trace of his body or his soul and then taking care of A-Yuan. But at the questioning look in his child's eyes pushes him past his edge. Lan Wangji cannot help the tear that slips down his porcelain cheek. First one, then two, then it becomes a torrential flood and he lets out a choked sob as he buries his face in Lan Yuan's hair.

"I'm sorry, A-Yuan," Lan Wangji is finally able to get out past his grief, "Mama is gone. There was a battle and he hid you away until I could find you."

"Mama is gone?" A-Yuan asks in a pitifully small voice. How could it be possible to miss something you do not remember having? But Lan Wangji knows because he misses Wei Ying too.

A-Yuan begins to sniffle again, face bright red and blotchy from his crying. Lan Wangji pulls the child in close and allow him to soak his robes with his tears.

"I'm so sorry," Lan Wangji repeats helplessly as they cry together. "I'm sorry."

Lan Wangji whispers apology after apology into his child's hair. In the end, they don't mean anything. Wei Ying is gone now and the only thing Lan Wangji had left is this child. He resolves right then and there that he will raise Wen Yuan… no, Lan Yuan as his own. His child will want for nothing.

"Sleep now, A-Yuan," Lan Wangji tucks him back into the blankets when they've finally cried themselves dry. "I will be here when you wake up."

Lan Yuan's eyelids droop closed and Lan Wangji draws the covers tight around the child.

It's okay, Wei Ying, Lan Wangji thinks. I will keep our child safe.

* * *

The next time A-Yuan wakens, he lets out a tiny gasp of surprise. The most beautiful person A-Yuan has ever seen is standing over him, pitch black hair spilling over his sheets like spilled ink on a white canvas. His soft silver eyes stare into A-Yuan's own hazy ones and a gentle bone white hand comes up to smooth the hair away from his damp forehead. A-Yuan smiles and leans into touch as warmth suffuses his being. He must be-

"Mama," he cries pitifully, little hands pawing at the man's red-lined robes like a newborn kitten. "Mama, mama. Where were you? A-Yuan missed you. A-Yuan missed you very much."

The fairy helps A-Yuan clamber into his lap and black-robed arms encircle him in their comforting, if slightly cold embrace. He snuggles down into those arms, head turning to seek out more contact with the being. He rubs his face into the fairy's robes and inhales the familiar scent of lotus flowers and spice. Instantly, the tension lifts from A-Yuan's shoulders and he relaxes deeply. He is safe. He is home.

"Is that who you want me to be?" the beautiful fairy whispers with pale bloodless lips. "Do you want me to be Mama, my little A-Yuan?"

What an odd question to ask, A-Yuan thinks dimly. Mother knows that he is mother. Perhaps… perhaps, A-Yuan has done something to warrant being shunned by his mother? The thought sends A-Yuan into a panicked flurry and he shoots up in the man's arms, nearly hitting the man's chin in his haste.

Urgent, fever-bright eyes peer up at the slim figure of his mother as tiny fists tighten their hold on his robes to the point of nearly tearing the fabric.

"H-Has A-Yuan done something wrong?" the boy asks, distraught. "Does… does Mama not like A-Yuan anymore?"

Tears gather in his eyes and his lip wobbles dangerously.

"No, my darling," the fairy is quick to console him. The willowy arms around A-Yuan tighten further, pulling him closer. Large ashen hands pat his back in a gentle rhythm and quickly lull him back to sleep.

"Don't leave A-Yuan," A-Yuan begs desperately even as exhaustion settles in, slurring his words. "A-Yuan will be good so don't leave."

He means it. A-Yuan will be the best child a mother could ever ask for. He will keep all of mother's secrets and treasure his mother. He will be obedient so mother will not want to leave him.

"Alright, A-Yuan," the man whispers and presses a tender kiss to the top of his head. "Mama will stay right here."

Content, the newly named Lan Yuan drifts off to sleep.

Everything would be okay now.

Mother was here.


End file.
